Whispers in the Heart, Part 3

This week we continue on with the first chapter of my “Remnants of Eden: Evolution, Deep-Time, & the Antediluvian World.” God bless, and stay with me as the story unfolds with the next post…

Whether it was due to the events of that fateful night, or the opposition that I faced from others over my choices, or perhaps other circumstances altogether, my course towards God, was less than permanent. Aside from the constant strain of increasing dysfunctions at home, I was hip-deep in the midst of my teenage years, filled with all the emotional, hormonal, and social turmoil of any typical fourteen-year-old. Perhaps more detrimental to my faith than any other factor were the nagging questions regarding my belief and the expectations I had had when beginning my pursuit of God. Those weaknesses began to quickly develop into fatal fractures under the influence of a constant exposure to mainstream science, both that mandated by my school curriculum and that which I myself sought after.

I was, of course, aware of the evolution paradigm prior to this period of my life, yet it was at this point that the devastating implications of that naturalistic worldview became clear. That fateful realization crippled, and quickly dispatched, whatever shreds of faith remained within my heart.

Truly, as a rationalist, who was I to argue with the experts and their evidence? How could I justify questioning the official narrative when it made such sense? I may have sought faith following my grandmother’s passing, yet looking back now I question whether I ever truly sought Jesus. Could I simply have been seeking my grandmother? With some degree of apprehension and regret I must say that my actions were likely closer to the latter, and quite honestly, that variation of faith, investing in eternity only as a means to reach someone who has been lost, simply cannot stand any degree of strain before it buckles.

My Christian faith, if proper to refer to it as such then, lost out in the end to a new variety of faith; one not built on life and resurrection but on death and chaos. Along the way, something in my mind reverted to earlier memories, old interests being birthed anew and expanding to fill the void…

To Fill a Void…

During my descent into secularism, my interests into the past and its inhabitants found new footing. Months prior to this, as I sat quietly in the kitchen of the church, my grandmother’s body in the sanctuary for viewing, I read a book that, despite my morbid surroundings, carried my mind far away, to a distant world of jungles and modern ruins, explorers and even dinosaurs. Something stirred in me that night that would not settle any time soon. Though I was completely unaware of it then, I was on a complicated and extremely unconventional path that would bring me full-circle in due time.

In the early 90s, my curiosity towards dinosaurs was joined by a growing interest in genetics, or more specifically, genetic engineering, being exposed to it largely through popular culture. As immature as my understanding of it was, the thought that living things could be understood at their most fundamental levels, so much so that they could be modified, was absolutely groundbreaking for me, and the notion that such was actually possible in reality was tantamount to magic in my young mind. I embraced it as only a child could. Whereas my friends dreamed of one day being police officers and astronauts, I wanted to make monsters.

The Story Continues with the Next Post…

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