This week we continue on with the first chapter of my “Remnants of Eden: Evolution, Deep-Time, & the Antediluvian World.” God bless, and stay with me as the story unfolds with the next post…
As for Sharee and I, we continued to keep the company quiet, only rarely and briefly discussing the matter with others; the time just wasn’t right.
That silence though could only barely hide my excitement and drive, for few could understand the extent of my desires and ambitions. I wanted to play god and to live a life of wealth and recognition doing so. Though my fascination with the past brought me to that place, it was the promise whispered by the new technological revolution that that made the impossible believable. There was a fantastic power that seemed right outside of my grasp, waiting for me to stretch just a bit more.
Outside of my professional aspirations, my personal life too pushed me forward. I had no doubt that, if I could just get the company to where I envisioned it, if I could just achieve the impossible, I knew that it could provide a life for us that I otherwise could not. Yet, I knew that my wife, my family, had suffered so much already from my dedication. The company then was, in almost every way conceivable, my priority, and my loved ones knew it. I told myself that if they could tolerate me and my passion for just a bit longer, then it would all be worth it, for all of us. I just needed time…
Time though wasn’t on my side. In early November, Azad told me that, if funding was not soon acquired, he would be forced to seek funding elsewhere for his research. I knew that his words foreshadowed the inevitable. His departure would also herald the loss of any solid hope we had of gathering outside support for the foreseeable future. Whatever it took, I had to prevent the collapse of my dreams.
Under so much pressure, all of my relationships, even that between Sharee and I, became greatly strained during that time, many well beyond the breaking point. So obsessed was I with the company that it essentially controlled my life; I was a prisoner to my path, and I allowed no one to stand in my way. Those aware of my project were, in my mind, either with me or against me, and in nearly all cases I excised from my life those who didn’t support my ambitions. Those who tolerated me did so knowing their place, and for many, the damage done still shadows our present relationship. To all I hurt, I can never apologize enough for what I did, and though they may forgive me, I question whether I will ever forgive myself.
I’ve wondered sometimes what would have been different had we vigorously made our efforts known, pursuing broader investment pools. No matter now; we ultimately were bound to fail.
International Biological Services, founded on dreams of the past, established on concepts I had researched for over a decade, and refined by the influence of the consultants I surrounded myself with, seemed to have such a promising start initially, yet it was becoming abundantly obvious that the end of an era was drawing near for my dream. Even so, in my mind, the company and its goals, my very dreams and aspirations, had far too much promise to simply let them slip away into the darkness. I couldn’t give up. Not yet.
The Story Continues with the Next Post…
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